In the midst of a global empathy crisis, leaders must balance inclusion and individuality, writes Danny Gal
A senior executive at a global company faced growing frustration from his team. While they respected his intelligence, they felt deflated every time they presented new ideas, due to his brutally honest feedback – so harsh it often took them days to recover.
When we discussed this, the executive was self-aware: “I know I come off as harsh. But how else can I empower them if I don’t agree with what they’re saying? Isn’t nodding along dishonest?” He genuinely wanted to help his team improve. Yet his insistence on direct honesty unintentionally discouraged risk-taking and creativity.
I suggested a different approach. “Instead of immediately pointing out flaws, start by asking questions. Be genuinely curious. Try to understand why they reached their conclusions. What was their thought process?”
This required deeper listening – going beyond validating what he already believed. By understanding their thinking, he could acknowledge their efforts’ value, even when solutions seemed incorrect.
“But what about my authenticity?” he asked.
“Authenticity isn’t about rejecting others,” I replied. “By asking questions, you remain true to yourself while genuinely understanding others. Once you’ve understood their reasoning, challenge them further. Encourage exploration of new directions that incorporate both their insights and yours. You might discover surprising insights along the way.”
Intrigued, he smiled and joked, “Can you give me this as an algorithm?”
Introducing the Belonging Paradox
The executive’s challenge represents a common leadership trap, in which feedback can stifle growth. The example captures a critical yet often overlooked tension in leadership and personal relationships: how can we remain empathetic without losing authenticity? How can we belong without compromising our individuality?
I call this the Belonging Paradox. It can be profoundly difficult to strike a balance between fitting in and standing out, connecting with others while remaining true to oneself. The paradox influences interactions within organizations and our private lives – yet it often goes unaddressed.
In many workplaces, the concept of belonging carries implicit demands for assimilation and conformity. Employees frequently feel pressured to align with established norms, which discourages genuine diversity of thought. Conversely, individuals who rigidly maintain their viewpoints risk isolation and marginalization.
Organizations that don’t navigate this paradox effectively risk falling into groupthink, where dissenting opinions are silenced; disconnection, resulting in fragmented teams; and deteriorating engagement, causing a loss of motivation and increased talent drain.
Connective leadership
Addressing the Belonging Paradox requires more than traditional diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) approaches. While DEI efforts are essential, they often focus heavily on representation and access, sometimes neglecting the deeper dynamics of empathy and authenticity. Connective leadership expands the DEI conversation by emphasizing not only psychological safety and inclusion but also the healthy belonging of a diverse collage of people to a whole that is greater than each individual.
Connective leadership prioritizes authenticity while actively cultivating empathy and tolerance toward differing opinions, fostering a culture of unity rather than division. Leaders embracing this approach view those with different perspectives not as adversaries but as valuable sources of insight, enriching collective understanding.
These leaders redefine belonging by contribution rather than similarity, asking: “How does this unique individual enhance our collective strength?” They actively foster open dialogue, encourage respectful debate, and integrate diverse viewpoints – including those of misfits and nonconformists – as critical to organizational innovation and health.
One of my clients, a well-known software company, exemplifies connective leadership by cultivating an environment where candid feedback, diverse ideas, and healthy debate drive creativity and innovation. In this company, employees know their unique perspectives matter and are actively encouraged to contribute authentically, fueling both creativity and innovation.
The empathy crisis and organizational culture
At the core of the Belonging Paradox lies a deeper societal issue: the global empathy crisis. In a polarized era dominated by division, conflict and media-driven echo chambers, empathy is increasingly scarce. This external environment inevitably permeates organizational culture, undermining trust, collaboration and genuine understanding within teams.
Organizations mirror broader societal trends. Many have become spaces where mistrust, superficial interactions and quick judgments replace thoughtful dialogue. The empathy crisis weakens internal cohesion, exacerbating divisions rather than healing them. I frequently hear the same complaint: “We’re working too much in silos and losing sight of the bigger picture.”
Connective leadership addresses this crisis head-on. By prioritizing genuine empathy, connective leaders consciously resist external polarization’s negative effects, fostering environments built on mutual understanding, patience and genuine curiosity. Such leaders help their organizations thrive – even amid external tensions, becoming havens of productive dialogue and inclusive cooperation.
Enduring values
The Belonging Paradox is not merely a problem to solve – it is a dynamic tension requiring ongoing management. Organizations of the future must embrace leadership that harmonizes unity and individuality without forcing conformity.
The critical question shifts from, “How can we make everyone the same?” to, “How can we create environments that support the authenticity of individuals and en-courages them – literally gives them courage?”
As our world grows increasingly complex and interconnected, leadership must evolve. Organizations that skillfully navigate the Belonging Paradox will attract and retain top talent, drive sustainable innovation, and build resilient cultures prepared to succeed in a challenging future.
At a time of political polarization and outright conflict, discussions about connective leadership and the Belonging Paradox become even more critical. Rather than abandoning conversations about diversity and inclusion, connective leadership reframes these issues in terms of authentic belonging, empathy and unity – values that remain essential regardless of shifting political climates.
